I am… April 27, 2008

I found this meme on a random tag surf I did, and when I went back to give credit to the site I copied it from, I couldn’t find it again.  (Sorry.)  I’m not going to tag anyone, since that seems to be a blogging faux pas, but if you’re interested, I encourage you to copy and paste.  It’s enlightening.  

• i am:  a mother and wife  (don’t think it escaped my notice that I identified with my kids more than my husband…) 
• i think: I am losing my mind
• i know: that I do the best I can
• i want: to be a size 6, to have an immaculate house, to be the perfect mom and wife, and to flawlessly execute my church calling.  Or even think about it before Sunday, when I have to make the Enrichment announcements. 
• i have:  four beautiful children.
• i wish:  I had more hours in the day.
• i hate:  feeling inadequate.  I feel that way a lot.
• i miss: when Alex and Kendra were pre-school age.  Life seemed so much simpler then.  And they were such cuties!!!
• i fear: that I am letting everyone down due to my feelings of being constantly overwhelmed.
• i feel: tired.  All the time.
• i hear: ”Extreme Makeover:  Home Edition” playing in the background.  I love the show, but it makes me cry!
• i smell: nothing.  No stinky diapers (hooray!) but no sizzling steaks, either.  (boo!)
• i crave: red meat.  It’s ridiculous, really.  I just ate.  But I am salivating over the thought of honey-baked ham or a big, juicy steak.
• i search: for ways to take control of my life, but I lack the oomph to get it going.  Even FlyLady feels too monumental to tackle.
• i wonder: what my life would be like if I mastered the organized-with-a-spotless-house thing.
• i regret: the blowup I had with my mom last October.  Things are better, but still not the way they were.  What was said, needed to be said, but in a kinder, more gentle way.
• i love:  my family. 
• i ache: for others who are in pain.
• i care: too much about how others see me.
• i always: tuck my kids in.  Every night.
• i am not: June Cleaver.  I’m not even Carol Brady.  Most days I feel like Roseanne Conner.  (Yikes!)
• i believe: in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
• i dance: terribly when it comes to hip-hop stuff, but I am REALLY good at ballroom.  Except when I dance with Kenny.  He adds extra beats and he’s impossible to follow.  When I was in college, everyone wanted to partner with me, which was unheard of for a stocky girl.
• i sing: fairly well.  I love to sing, and I make up silly songs to sing to my kids.
• i cry: a lot.  At silly things like commercials.  It all started when I got pregnant with Alex, and it’s gotten worse.  Exponentially worse.
• i don’t always: drive the kids to school in real clothes– lots of mornings I’m still in pajamas.  At 9:00 AM.  I am working on that, however.  It’s been a few weeks since the pajamas have seen the front yard.
•  i fight: for the underdog.
• i write: really slowly, and I edit two or three times.  I take a long time to say what others can in a much shorter time.  Sometimes I’m surprised when I go back and read something I’ve written, because it sounds really eloquent and smart.
• i win: very few games during our Family Home Evening game nights– even against my kids.
• i lose: EVERY game I play with Kenny.  Unless he throws a game.  I’m just not that competitive, I guess.
• i never: thought anyone would want to marry me.
• i confuse: my kids’ names.  It’s really pathetic.
• i listen: pretty well.  Sometimes I have to remind myself to talk less and listen more, but for the most part, I have a good listening ear.
• i can usually be found: at home, doing laundry, changing diapers, reading stories or playing on the computer.  Or sleeping.  I do that a lot, too, when the little ones are napping.
• i am scared: of the dark.  Really.  Or, rather, what hides in the dark.
• i need: a fairy godmother.  Or three wishes.  Or a really good housekeeper.
• i am happy about: being a mother.  For all my percieved (and real) shortcomings, I wouldn’t give up this chance to nurture my kids for anything in the world.