When You Burn a Girl a CD (Or, Why I Have a Slight Crush on Jason Mraz) June 11, 2009

When you burn a girl a CD, she will listen to it every single moment she is awake.

After she has listened to it approximately 25 times, she will ask you to print off the lyrics for each song.

After you print off the lyrics, she will sing along.

As she sings along, you begin to pick up the lyrics as well.

After you can sing every song on the CD, some phrases begin to stick out.

As you ponder those phrases, you begin to apply them to certain life experiences.

Those life experiences remind you of other songs, which makes you go to i-Tunes and download them.

After you’ve downloaded those other songs, your daughter hears them and asks you to burn her a new CD.

And, when you burn a girl a CD, she will listen to it every single moment she is awake.

 

 

 

Potty Power Struggle March 18, 2009

      I am determined to potty-train Anthony by the summer if it kills me.  (It very likely will, so I want you to be prepared for my funeral.)  He has been “interested” in using the potty for more than a year, but the minute he found out that I wanted him to do it, the training became more of a game.  I have lost count of how many pairs of training pants he’s soiled just minutes after getting up from the potty, in acts of defiance.  We’ve tried candy bribes, going potty for pennies (brilliant idea, btw), giving him Cheerios to “aim” for, choosing “big boy” underwear, begging, whining, yelling and crying.  (Lots and LOTS of crying.  From me, of course.)

 

     The little stinker is completely unmoved.  And unmotivated.

 

     He’ll be going off to college in diapers, I’m afraid.  (Although, it would completely serve him right.)

 

     On Monday, I decided to get aggressive with the training.  I made him strip from the waist down, which he hated, and he went bare all morning.  He kept telling me, “Mom, this is as-gusting.  I want pants.”  He made it to the potty three times, and purposely had an “accident” on the floor, which I rewarded with a swat on his (bare!) bottom.  [Mother's note: Had it been a real accident, I would never have done that.  This was deliberate.]  He got a diaper for nap time, and went bare in the afternoon, until we went outside to play.  He did pretty well, but complained constantly about being “naked and as-gusting”.

 

     Yesterday was a potty no-go, as I was at the school and Kenny will have no part in potty-training, so this morning we started our second naked day.  Anthony is furious with  me, and has spent the better part of the morning wiping his (bare!) (clean!) bottom over every surface of the house and playing with his penis.  And narrating every tug and tweak.

 

     It makes me want to flush myself down the toilet.

    

     What do you do with a willful three-year-old who knows what to do, but refuses?  (Besides flush HIM down the toilet…)

Sisters, sisters, never were there such devoted sisters… March 15, 2009

     Kendra has been sick since Friday night.  She caught some sort of flu bug and then vomited for the next 18 hours.  She spent the better part of two days on the couch, watching movies, begging for sustenance, and making frequent trips to the bathroom.

 

     In short, she’s been absolutely miserable.

 

     She napped for a few hours on Saturday evening, and when she woke up, she came out with a sleepy smile and said, “I can’t believe I made it through the night!”  The poor girl was devastated to know that it wasn’t 8:47 AM on Sunday morning, but 8:47 PM on Saturday night, and she’d only been sleeping for two hours.

 

     The look on her face was priceless.

 

     She’s doing much better today.  She hasn’t thrown up since last night, and she even managed to eat a very little amount.  Her biggest complaint is feeling weak and extremely sore, which is to be expected after you turn your insides out.

 

     After I tucked the kids in, Kenny and I started watching “Grey’s Anatomy” on the computer.  He heard a noise and turned around to find Hannah crouched under the kitchen table.  We coaxed her out and asked why she was up.  Her little face crinkled up and she wailed, “I hate it when Kendra’s sick!”  After a few hugs and some encouragement, she continued, “I just don’t want anything to happen to her.”

 

     I reassured her that Kendra would be just fine.  I also asked why was so worried about something happening to her sister.

 

     “Because if she isn’t there, I wouldn’t have anyone else to talk to, and stuff!” she replied, and burst into tears again.

 

     Kenny reminded her that she prayed for Kendra to get better, and she just needed to have faith and wait for that to happen.  “It’s already happening,” he reminded her.  I suggested that she go back and say a prayer for herself, and to ask that she could get some rest and not be so worried.  She agreed to try it, and after another round of hugs and some drying of tears, she scampered off to bed.

 

     About thirty minutes later, the show ended and I went to check on the kids.  They were all sound asleep, except for Hannah.  She bounded out of bed to come and hug me.  “Thank you so much for telling me what to say in my prayer,” she told me, as she threw her arms around my legs.  “I feel so much better now!  You are the best mommy in the whole world!”

 

     I don’t know if I can hold a candle to that sweet little sister.  She makes my heart happy.

A Simple Plan Postscript February 21, 2009

     I spent a lot of time thinking, typing, and deleting during yesterday’s post.  When I finished it, it was almost 11:30 PM, and I felt like while it wasn’t exactly what I had hoped to say, it was good enough.

 

     I was wrong.

 

     Okay, not wrong, exactly, because I did want to talk about simplifying my schedule and my home, but I didn’t want to come across as beating myself up for my lack of mothering skills.  (For the record?  I think I am a GREAT mother.  I could be better, which is what I’m striving for.  But as I am?  I’m pretty darn good.)  What I didn’t touch on yesterday was the overwhelming feeling I’ve had lately that I can be happy with simple.  I like simple.  I think simple will like me, too, as soon as it finds me.  (Hee hee)

 

A Simple Plan February 20, 2009

 

     I’ve re-typed the intro to this post at least a dozen times, and I’m still not happy with it.  I’ve decided to abandon it altogether, and just jump into this post with both feet.

 

     One…  two…  THREE!

 

     I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about the life I’d like to live, compared to the one I am.  I’ve also been feeling especially nostalgic, which I figure means one of three things:

 

1.  I have caught up with a lot of old friends on Facebook,

2.  Worrying about making ends meet makes me long for my carefree childhood, or

3.   My spirit is trying to tell me something.

 

     As I’ve pondered these feelings, I’ve decided that I have too much “stuff” in my life.  Too many things.  Too many distractions.  Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in stuff, and it’s killing me.  (How is that for dramatic?)  It’s not just household clutter, although there is plenty of that.  It’s the outside stuff that steals my time and my focus, and makes me shake my head at the end of the day and wonder why I didn’t get more done.

 

     Computer, I am talking to you. 

 

What a way to start the day! February 17, 2009

     I almost hit a kid today.

 

     I was dropping my kids off at school, and as I inched my way forward out of the drop-off lane, a mom pulled up to my left, the front of her van jutting halfway into the cross-walk.  I waited for her kids to exit from the right side, toward the school, but the door didn’t open.  I idled my way forward, imagining some small bodies suddenly hurtling out of her side door and into my lane.

 

     Suddenly, a small voice in my head yelled, “STOP!” 

 

     Without even thinking, I slammed my foot on the break hard enough to throw me forward.  I missed one of her kids by an inch, if not less.  She was letting them out on the left, rather than the right, and because she was parked over the cross-walk, I had no view of her kids until they had passed the front of her van completely.

 

     Neither mom nor kids noticed.

 

     Me, on the other hand?  I am shaking so hard I can hardly type.

Valentine Party Squared February 13, 2009

 

     When I was a teacher, one of the things I SWORE I’d do was volunteer to help out in my kids’ classes.  I knew what it was like to teach a group of unruly 10-year-olds with no room parent, no weekly volunteers, and no party-planning help.  It was awful, and I vowed to never put a teacher in that position.

 

     Because of that determination (or sheer stupidity– take your pick), I have been the head room parent for one or both of my kids every year so far. 

 

     I’m not complaining.  I really love it.  As I walked out of Alex’s fourth-grade classroom today, I had one boy (BOY!) say,

I Want… Some Time Off February 4, 2009

     I need some time off.

 

     Today was a bad day that got progressively worse (I HATE potty training!), and I feel like I’ve been dragged behind a team of wild horses.

 

     I would love a few days without kids or husband (sorry, Hon– it’s not you, it’s me) or pets or responsibilities.  I’d love a few days where I don’t have to answer to anyone, where I can eat (or not!) on my own schedule, nap (or not!) when I get tired, and spend my time doing what I want to do. 

 

     With nary a potty chair in sight.

 

     I would love to spend my time at a luxury spa, but really, I’m not picky.  I could be just as happy at a local motel (with room service and a jetted tub).  It’s the escape I crave, rather than the ambiance.  Calgon, take me away!

 

     Is it too much to ask that the magic Potty Fairy has Anthony fully trained when I return?

 

     Maybe after a week by myself I’d be well-rested enough to tackle it on my own, without wanting to beat myself silly with the potty chair.

 

     (I’d rather turn it over to the magic Potty Fairy.)

 

     (I’d even be willing to sacrifice my vacation.)

 

     (Did I just say that out loud?)

 

Say Wha…? January 26, 2009

     So, at 5, Hannah is at the delightful stage of development where she is starting to explore words and language.  She can spell a handful of words, she loves to write words on paper, and she writes several (long!) stories each day with that wavy-line text that resembles an EKG printout but looks like prose when used in illustrations.  And then she will narrate said stories… repeatedly.

 

     (I will really, truly miss this when she goes to Kindergarten next year.  Really, I will.)

 

     One thing that is not so delightful is her experimentation with abbreviating words.  It’s cute when she tells me my chocolate candy-cane cake is “dee-lish!” (gotta get that second ‘e’ in there for emphasis) or I am “awes” for getting a good hula-hoop score on the Wii Fit.  While it doesn’t rank as high on the irritating list as, say, spelling out entire paragraphs,

Observations… January 3, 2009

 

     It has been a day.  (I’ll leave it at that.)

 

     Because it has been a day, I have had some things rolling around in my head that were just dying to be put in blog-post form.

 

     Don’t you feel lucky?

 

Observation #1– When you go to the doctor for a physical for the first time in nearly four years, go FASTING, so they can draw your bloodwork on that very same day.

Also, keep good records of your previous tetanus shots.  When the doctor says it’s been ten years, and you KNOW you’ve had one since then but can’t prove it, be prepared to get shot in the arm.

Sub-observation b–   When they give you a shot that needs to be “worked out” to minimize pain, be sure you know BEFORE you get the shot, so you can get it in the arm you write with, instead of the other, less-utilized one.

 

Observation #2– When you go to have bloodwork done on a Saturday morning, and your husband assures you he’ll get up to shovel the 2+ inches of snow that fell the night before, be prepared to shovel it yourself.  On an empty stomach that hasn’t had food or water in 13 hours.

Celebrate the extra exercise you’ll get to add to the Wii Fit.  Seriously consider bagging real  Wii Fit training for the day.

 

Observation #3– When the vampires at the lab draw five vials of blood out of your arm, and your veins are like garden hoses even when mildly dehydrated, is it too much to ask for them to hit a vein on the first try? 

I swear, this morning, the needle went in sideways.  SIDEWAYS. 

 

Observation #4– When your kids want to have a party and make you the guest of honor, let them.  I’ve never been so happy to see 1000 strips of paper taped to a bedroom wall, nor felt so honored to wear a paper crown adorned with red paper hearts.  We played a rousing game of “I Spy” before everyone sort of drifted off to their own activities, but it was a FUN party, albeit short-lived.

(I may not be so happy in a week, when the paper strips have made their way off the wall, onto shoes and/or socks, and moved through the house, but then again, maybe I’ll put my crown on and we’ll party some more while we clean them up.)

By the way, it hurts your heart a little when your kids ask you if you’ll come, and then express utter joy and disbelief when you say, “Yes, I’d love to attend.”

 

Observation #5– It is not nearly as fun to take the Christmas tree down as it is to put it up.

Although, when your husband says the same thing, you wonder if it’s his way of getting out of helping.  (Yup, probably is.)

Also, how is it that in the five weeks since the furniture was rearranged to accomodate the tree, the couch had more toys and papers stuffed under it than it did for all four previous months combined?

 

Observation #6– An ice-cold Pepsi is the nectar of the gods. 

It makes everything better.

 

Observation #7– Tomorrow is my blog-oversary, and I have no gifts to give.

Pa rum pum pum pum.

I will figure something out AFTER I get the living room put back together.  (I can’t guarantee you’ll be excited about it. ) (That would be the gift, not the living room.  Although I’m sure you wouldn’ t get excited about my living room, either.)

 

 

     See you tomorrow!  I’m sure you can’t WAIT!!!