Kemi, like “chemistry”

Random Musings of the Misunderstood

…and sometimes the muffin bites you! July 18, 2008

Filed under: The Looney Bin — Kemi @ 1:09 pm
Tags: , , ,

     Kenny was leaving for work yesterday afternoon, and as he left I was giving him a laundry list of things to do:  Don’t forget to bring home some business cards, so we can stuff those sale envelopes and get them mailed before we leave… Bring home the insurance paperwork so we can get it filled out before we leave… Stop by the Credit Union and cash in the coins you rolled…  If you have a minute, can you call Brent with Countrywide and ask him about the status of refinance?


     Besides the fact that it’s a really horrible way to be sent off (I really am not one of THOSE wives.  I was just having a little pre-trip STRESS.), he only had about 20 minutes to accomplish said tasks before he got to the dealership.  He stopped by the Credit Union on his way there, and the first thing he did once he got to work was grab the insurance information out of his desk and put it in his car.  Then he called Brent from Countrywide and left a message.


     Imagine my shock when he walked through the door two hours later. 


“Kemi,” he told me, “I talked to Brent [from Countrywide].”

“Great!” I yelled.  “Kids, grab your shoes.  We’re going to sign some papers.”

“No,” he said.  “We got turned down.”

“You’re kidding, right?  This is a joke?”  (He teases me like this A LOT.)  “Ha ha.  Kids, shoes.  Let’s go!”

“No, really,” he said.  “I have been trying to decide how to tell you this for the past hour.  I’m not really sure what we’re going to do.  The dealership said they’d give me my old car back, but we’ll have to get new plates and pay them for the repairs they’ve already started.”

“Ugh,” I moaned.  “I think I’m going to throw up.”


     So after some frantic phone calls to Brent [from Countrywide] (that Brent from Countrywide was slooooooow to return) , to Sam (the hero) from Brent’s Countrywide office, and to Nathan, another mortgage guy who had perfect timing, we found out that we had been turned down because Kenny switched jobs in April, and didn’t have a sufficient job history there. 


     I can appreciate their hesitancy.  I really can.  But he went from one sales job (that he had for nearly three years) to another sales job.  The reason he left in the first place was because they were stealing his commissions by penalizing him with phony chargebacks, and now, three months later, the company is bankrupt and has pulled completely out of Utah.  So, it was inevitable that he would have switched jobs anyway.  He just beat the collapse by a couple of months.


     I guess what the bank did (and this is a little unclear, because Brent from Countrywide says he’s new to the mortgage business, which is why he hasn’t been able to give us a straight answer from the very beginning) is take his last three months’ pay and divide it over the 2008 calendar year, effectively cutting it in half.   Then they ignored the W-2s for the last two tax years, because they were from the previous sales job, and they asked to see our W-2 from 1999, when Kenny worked for the dealership the first time.


     First of all, they are DARN lucky I still had a W-2 from nine years ago, and that I remembered where it might possibly be.  Second of all, the cost of living has increased, but they didn’t take that into account.  And finally, the pay structure is different now.  Before, he was paid a (low) salary.  Now they have gone to a commission + bonuses structure.  It’s like comparing apples to oranges.


     So even taking all of that into account, with only half our gross income being counted and comparing it to a decade-old W-2, we were at 47% debt-to-income (yay, us!), and they wanted to see 41%.  Six measly points.  Had they given us credit for Kenny’s actual income, we would have been well under their required percentage.


     According to Sam (the hero) from Countrywide, there is a good chance that if we had a co-signer, our approval would sail through.  While this IS good news, and my mom so graciously offered to lend us her name (“After all,” she told me, “it’s just a signature!”  Silly mom.  I love her so much!), I still think it’s ridiculous that we are having trouble qualifying for a payment that is LESS THAN OUR CURRENT ONE.  That we have never missed, nor been late paying.  Ever.


     And, in case you’ve forgotten, we are supposed to be leaving for a week-long vacation.  In six hours from now.  And we are all still unpacked.  AND, for some unbeknownst reason, I keep forgetting to close the lid on the washer, so when I go down to throw the freshly-laundered clothes into the dryer, I find that they have been soaking for hours in stagnant water, completely and hopelessly unwashed.  Not to mention smelly.


     Apparently, stress turns me into a complete flake.  (No affirmations from you, thank you very much.)


     In case the mood strikes you to refinance your home, and you choose to use Brent from Countrywide, let me give you a quick heads-up so you’ll know what to expect.


  • When he tells you he needs a credit card number to secure your appraisal, but assures you it won’t be charged unless you back out of the refinance after the appraisal’s been done (which seemed very fair to me), EXPECT YOUR CARD TO BE CHARGED $475 WITHIN THREE DAYS.  Then, expect him to tell you since he’s new, he didn’t realize Countrywide’s policy is to charge up front, but he didn’t think you’d mind, nor did he think it was necessary to give you a heads-up, because it’s only $500.
  • Also expect an appraisal fee to show up in the loan documents, so you’re paying for it twice.  Be assured Brent will tell you you’ll get a refund on your credit card, but don’t hold your breath because it’s been two months and we still haven’t seen it.
  • Expect to have to call him six or seven times to get him to respond. 
  • Expect those return calls to be at 4:59 PM, so he can tell you he’s on his way out for the day, but he’ll take care of it tomorrow.  Then, when “tomorrow” never comes, he will tell you he forgot.
  • Know that you’ll be assured from the very first phone call that because your current mortgage-holder is Countrywide, and your account is in good standing, the paperwork is all a formality, because the company has already pre-approved you for the refinance.  You will be reminded of this several times, as in, “Quit stressing.  Your loan has already been approved.”
  • If your loan is turned down, expect to wait a full day to hear about it, even though you made no secret of the fact that you are going out of town for a week, and speed is important.
  • If your loan is turned down, expect Brent to laugh at you when you ask about the appraisal refund.  Expect a competent mortgage consultant to ask, “Why did he order it so early?  The appraisal is only ordered after paperwork has been submitted and approved.”
  • Expect to hear, “Well, too bad.  My hands are tied.  Here’s a number you can call to dispute it.” from Brent, but be given a list of creative alternatives from Sam (the hero), who is more than willing to stay late and try to find a solution that will benefit you.
  • And finally, expect Brent to expect you to pardon him for all his mistakes because he’s “new” to the business.  Expect him to never ask a more-experienced colleague for help or advice.  And after two months of frustration and headaches, expect him to ASK YOU TO REFER HIM TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY.


     Now that Sam’s on the job (our HERO!), I am going to go pack.  Ack!  We are supposed to leave in five hours.


     At least I remembered to close the washer lid this time.


(And if you’re scratching your head at the title of this post, use this post for reference.)


12 Responses to “…and sometimes the muffin bites you!”

  1. Mercedes Says:

    OMGoodness! This is horrible-I will be sending out my no-reference letters for Brent now-lol. I hope things work out in the end. Have fun on vacation!


  2. kweenmama Says:

    I swear Brent could be my ex husband. I saw him treat clients that way all the time.

    Good luck with the refinance and have fun on your trip!

  3. Hahahaha, *waving to Brent* he’s going to get a surprise when he does a search on himself. This post is on the first page of results in Google. Hope you’re having a wonderful time on vacation!

  4. Sparky Says:

    Lucky you, Kemi. lol Speaking of muffins. Stud-muffins, that is, I would like to know your opinion on the very controversial “Mormon Beefcake Calendar.”

    (High Hopes, I think I would like to know your opinion, too, since you always have such keen insights on things that make most of us go, “Hmmm.”)

  5. K. Trainor Says:

    Brent, you’re a BOOB! Kemi, enjoy your vacation and let Sam the Hero handle everything. 🙂

  6. High Hopes Says:

    Ohhhh Sparky, I don’t think I am going to touch this one with a 10 foot pole. I did go hmmmm though.

    Kemi – regarding your charges on your credit card, if they are not refunded to you within a reasonable amount of time call the credit card company. We had an issue with an outstanding credit on our card and we called the cc company, explained the situation and they told us to say this to the company “You have 2 business days to post the credit, if it is not done, XXXX card company will be taking suit on our behalf.” That did the trick, we called the offender, gave them the spiel and it was refunded with in 12 hours. Companies hate getting a black mark by their names by credit card companies.

  7. Sparky Says:

    Probably a good idea, highhopes. I had to try, though. lol “Men on a Mission” — what were they thinking?! Thus begins yet another slippery slope in the wide world of religion. Too bad. No wonder it is hard for the secular world to take any faith seriously, sometimes. If you don’t like the principles of yours, you can just make up a new one. What is to become of us all, I wonder?

    Kemi, I recently made a return to Newport News, and they told me to allow two billing cycles for the credit to appear. I think that you have only so much time to take some kind of action as hh suggests, so please call your CC company and at least find out what needs to be done and within what time frame. I’m sure you know this, but keep good notes! Since it looks like you’ve been doing that, you shouldn’t have any problems. What an ordeal!

  8. High Hopes Says:

    Sparky – this is where the fear comes in for me. Some people when they can’t get along in what is an established religion, and want to modernize it for lack of a better term, resort to things like this. No religion is perfect, because man is not perfect. I think it is through the imperfections and learning to cope with them is where we find grace and forgiveness.

    Slippery slope indeed, I actually find it a little creepy to be honest and there are better ways to raise money for charities – that was just a cheap excuse to add the sheen of nobility/validity to what the calendar maker was doing. We all make mistakes and I can’t help but think there is probably a little regret being felt by the young man. I am not the one to judge him, so I hope he can be at peace with his actions.

    You want to raise money for charity, hold a car wash or sell koolaid.

    Kemi – I hope all gets sorted out with your credit card. It was amazing how fast our cc company worked on our behalf. CC companies hate businesses that misuse their service.

    BTW have a good holiday!

  9. K. Trainor Says:

    I just had to pop back in to say I thought of your blog today. “Sometimes you bite the muffin…and sometimes the muffin bites you” popped into my head when something went wrong. Thanks again for the smiles. :0)

    Still crossing my fingers, eyes and toes for ya!

  10. Sparky Says:

    Kemi – I would dry out those muffins and make sure at least one of them found its way to the back of Brent’s head. I would also file a complaint at every place available about Brent from Countrywide.

    HighHopes – Mr. Mormon Beefcake is probably in a juice bar signing, “What Was I Thinking,” right about now. You have got to admit, though, that he was easier on the eyes than the retired guys from who remembers where calendar. We could opine for days on what people will do and why they will do it for money.

  11. pppj Says:

    Hey, next time Anthony takes a bite out of 36 cookies go drive them over and let Anthony give them to Brent and thank him for all he did for you.

    I hope your trip is going well,

  12. High Hopes Says:

    ROF – day old bakery bits for the dude puts the bite on people, I like it.

    Kemi did you ever get your card cleared?????

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s