Kemi, like “chemistry”

Random Musings of the Misunderstood

The (New) Object of My Affection March 7, 2009

     Yesterday, my sister and I took our (collective) five kids and braved the Utah Home and Garden Show.


     I was a little unsure about going, in light of Anthony’s MAJOR tantrum earlier this week (and the similar-but-smaller-in-scale encore at story time on Wednesday), but it turned out to be a great day, kid-wise.


     I can’t say the same for the H&G show.


     Don’t get me wrong– it was amazing.  One company essentially recreated a mountain stream indoors, complete with metal gazebo, fairy lights, swings, stone steps and indigenous wildflowers and grasses.  My kids wanted to run around on it SOOOOO badly, but being the responsible adult (who totally wanted to “experience” it just as much as they did), I told them no.  And then they pointed out the other adults who were running around with their children, and I felt like the world’s meanest mom while standing on my (tiny) principles.


     [I think working for JC Penney in the bedding and bath department ruined me.  We spent hours making beds with thousands of dollars of merchandise, and parents would tell their kids to “go play” while they looked at bath mats.  Dirty shoes, sticky hands, runny noses and leaky diapers (or potty-training accidents!) are NOT good for expensive comforters.  Or college-aged sales clerks.  I am deeply, deeply scarred!]


     So after wandering around the Expo Center for two hours, I came to the following conclusions:


1.  If I were building a house from its earliest stages, I would have enjoyed more of the vendors’ displays.  However, putting a fancy stone fireplace in my 45-year-old house would just look very out-of-place and sadly pathetic…  the elegant fixture slumming on the wrong side of the tracks with my seedy fake-wood paneling.  (Raise your hand if you thought of that “Seinfeld” episode.  Okay, so it was just me then?  Moving on…)


2.  How does one sit in the bottom-most seats of a four-foot-deep hot tub and keep one’s head above water?  (I am only 5’4″, so maybe it’s just me…  but seriously, I would need a booster seat or two to keep from drowning.)


3.  There was a chiropractor on EVERY aisle, begging to massage my back.  I felt equal parts desirable and cheap hooker, and I turned every last one of them down.  A girl has to have SOME standards, after all…  😀


4.  Vinyl fencing is sooooo pretty.


5.  Our suck-tastic water feature in front can be easily replaced with something MUCH less tacky (90’s southwestern pots, anyone?) and much more natural-looking.  Woo hoo!


6.  Our small backyard needs a LOT of work (no news there), and it also needs one of these:



     Isn’t that the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen?  It’s called a pergola, and it’s my new favorite thing in the whole world.  I’ve known about them for years.  I’ve lunched under them, I’ve watched kids play from under them, I’ve partied and socialized and generally enjoyed myself under them, but I’ve never been so determined to have one in my backyard until right now.


     I mean, we already have the fire pit and everything!


     I saw so many different pergolas at the H&G show.  Some were made of vinyl;  some of heavy wood beams (think California Redwoods);  some of 2×4’s;  some of resin.  Some were wired for electricity, and others were festooned with lanterns.  I would have taken ANY of them.


     Heck, had they offered me a pergola, I might have even let the chiropractor(s) have their way(s) with me.


     With my BACK, I mean.


4 Responses to “The (New) Object of My Affection”

  1. Rachel Says:

    haha!! How fun to check out the home and garden show! I wanted to go to ours SOO bad, but there was too much going on. Good thing because I don’t even OWN a house to do all those amazing things to! 🙂

    I love the pergola. It is elegant, yet casual…stunning. A piece of art! And I hope, hope, hope you get one.

  2. K. Trainor Says:

    Oooooh that thing is pretty! I’d love one of those m’self! 🙂

    (And lol @ the chiropracter comments!)

  3. K. Trainor Says:

    Whoops! Where is spell check when I need it? *blushes*

  4. kweenmama Says:

    I’ve wanted one of those too, for quite some time. Alas, our wooden fence is in sorry shape, so that will have to come first. Sigh.

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