Kemi, like “chemistry”

Random Musings of the Misunderstood

Kemi: The (Hopeful) Return November 1, 2009

Filed under: Kemi — Kemi @ 10:49 pm

     When I was a little girl, my journal read something like this:

 

October 19, 1983

Grandma Smith bought me this new journal for my eighth birthday!  I am going to write in it every day.

 

January 1, 1984

I haven’t been very good about writing in my journal, but I’m going to start now.  I’m going to write in it every day.

 

August, 1984

Wow, I wasn’t very good at writing in my journal.  I need to be better.  So much has happened, but it’s late tonight and I need to sleep, so I’ll write tomorrow.  PROMISE.

 

September, 1987

Wow, look how long it’s been since I’ve written in my journal!  I’m in eighth grade now, can you believe it?

 

August, 1992

So, I was packing for college and I found the old blue journal that Grandma gave me when I got baptized.  Since only two or three pages were written in, I decided to bring it along, just in case I wanted to write in a journal.

 

 

     And you know what?  I did write.  EVERY SINGLE DAY for two years.  Going back and looking through that big, blue journal makes me smile.  Things that happened to me, boys I had a crush on, the friends I made and the experiences I had (both good and bad) are all there for me to browse through.  I LOVE that I was so diligent at keeping a journal.  It’s funny– the primary reason I did it was because I wanted to tell my mom every single thing that happened when I was away, and it was too expensive for me to call long distance every night.  (Feel free to laugh at my dependency.  Some of my roommates did, often.)  I filled that journal, plus two more, over the next 2 1/2 years.  Ironically, I stopped writing nightly around the time I met my husband, and just between us, those are the times I SHOULD have been writing regularly.  (He remembers our history just a *teency* bit differently than I do, and it would be so helpful to pull out my journal and show him just how wrong he is.)

 

     Anyway…

 

     Some of you probably noticed that I have been absent from my blog lately.  (Some of you may not have, and I’d rather not have you tell me you didn’t notice.)  Without going into too much detail, let me just say that life seems to have hit me squarely between the eyes when I wasn’t looking, and I have been feeling slightly (read:  SLIGHTLY!!!) overwhelmed by it all.  Some of it is funny (in hindsight, of course);  some of it is sad.  Some of it is touching and sweet, and a good share of it is frustrating and cringe-worthy. 

 

     All of it is mine.

 

     It stands to reason, then, that it deserves to be written about, rather than avoided and/or forgotten.  At some point in the future, maybe one of my children will have a child who acts like another of my children (although having TWO of them in this world will signal the apocalypse, I’m certain), and it would be nice for them to read that while their mom’s head did, in fact, explode with frustration on a regular basis, it managed to grow back every single day.  Perhaps they’ll find themselves lacking faith, or unsure about the future, and they’ll take comfort in the fact that someone else has been there and made it through.  (Please, God, let me make it through.)

 

     If nothing else, I hope to be able to look back on this time in my life and be reminded of who I was and how far I’ve come.  It might also be nice to keep count of how many times a mother’s head can explode before it fails to regenerate.

 

     I’m up to 174.

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7 Responses to “Kemi: The (Hopeful) Return”

  1. Misty Says:

    Then there is hope for me too huh? I loved the head explosion analogy. That is totally how I feel! Know you are not alone…. The saying goes that a change is just as good as a break so maybe we should just trade off…. you can take my little “MR PERSONALITY” and I will take yours… just for an hour or two! Maybe we need to get them together…. 🙂

  2. kspin Says:

    Hey, I think my journal entries are exactly the same up until you started writing in yours. 🙂 I’m glad you are back and of course I noticed! Now if I could find the time to update my own blog…

  3. Rachel Says:

    Sweet Kemi. I honestly had been thinking I needed to come to your blog to see if It has somehow been taken off of my google reader because I hadn’t read anything for…SOOOO long. I have missed you. MISSED YOU!

    Welcome back. I hope you keep on writing…your words are so much rolled into one…but most of all, they are inspiring!

    Hope you have a great day…

    THINKING OF YOU ALWAYS!

  4. Mindy Says:

    Yay. I have missed you so.
    I’m so glad I’m not the only one who had pathetic journal like you.
    So happy to hear you made it through with your head intact. (sort of)

  5. You are awesome Kemi! That is who and what you are! Completely awesome!

  6. Wendi Says:

    Kemi~I’ve missed you! I love your blog updates; but totally understand the feeling-sometimes life is just staying afloat…I had a journal like yours–except mine was an entry every time I “liked” a new boy. Then when Ms. Miller forced us to keep a journal for 10th grade English, I flew with it. I have a journal entry from the first day of high school until my first child was born. (thats a lot of years) But then, unfortunately, when I should be writing most, about the family, and beautiful children I have, I haven’t done it–barely sporadically–kind of like my blog. Glad to know I am not alone, but gives me hope to do better….. : )

  7. Yea! So glad you’re back! 🙂 However, I am sorry that your head has exploded numerous times. That can’t be fun!


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