Kemi, like “chemistry”

Random Musings of the Misunderstood

Luna-tic dream April 26, 2013

So, this has been a fairly uneventful pregnancy, until I got to about 31 weeks, when everything fell apart.  My blood pressure is consistently high, there is too much protein in my urine, I have gestational diabetes again (which I am convinced is a fluke, since I’ve passed every test except one, but whatever…), restricted activity, weekly doctor visits, and weekly antepartum testing.

 

On Sunday night, we went to the hospital because I had a headache so terrible, I was seeing spots.  The baby looked fine, so they sent me home after a few hours.  I met with my doctor on Tuesday, and my blood pressure– on medication– was 178/134.  He made me repeat a 24-hour urine capture (yes, it is every bit as gross as it sounds) and ordered a whole bunch of lab tests, and told us if they came back abnormal, he was going to do an emergency c-section at 35 (+3) weeks.  There was an extra sense of urgency because he was going out of town for the weekend, and everything had to fall into place by Wednesday evening.

 

Naturally, the lab lost my blood work, so what should have taken a few hours to process dragged into the next day.  My liver and kidney functions both looked okay, but my doctor still had me on alert, pending the results of the 24-hour urine sample.  Which disappeared– of course it did!– and was unable to be read for a full day.  It came back elevated, too.  While not in kidney-failure range, it was still 3x higher than normal.  The doctor on call was ready to book an O.R., but based on some insurance technicality that says only MY doctor can tie my tubes, they paged my doctor on his vacation and asked him if he felt okay about holding off on the delivery until he gets back.  (He did.)

 

[I won’t get into it in this post, but out of everything scary that’s happened in the past month, making the decision to tie my tubes was the most emotional, heart-wrenching,  guilt-inducing,am-I-making-the-right-choice experience I have had to deal with.  Even knowing my body should not carry another baby without causing significant risk to both of us, I still struggle with the idea that this is it.  Finito.  No more babies for me.  I have cried more about this decision than anything else over the past 9 months combined.]

 

So, Monday morning, my doctor will review the labs and make a decision about surgery.  Will it be Monday?  Will I see him again on Tuesday and he’ll make his choice then?  Will we try to hold off until May 13, the scheduled date, which will make the baby 38 (+2) weeks?  Or go until this Friday, when I will be 37 weeks exactly, and we won’t have to worry about “pre-term” anything?

 

I am exhausted.  Mentally.  Physically, too, but the up-in-the-air-ness about the whole thing has become my full-time focus.  (No wonder my blood pressure is so high!)  I wander around the house during the day, flitting from thing to thing.  I am restless and unfocused.  My attention span is worse than Sam’s.  It’s time.  Even if it’s not time, it’s time.  I’ve never looked so forward to surgery before, even though it will bring the end of one of the best six experiences of my life.

 

I give you all of this information, not because I think you’re particularly interested, but to better illustrate my frame of mind and how last night’s dream reflects my insanity.

 

I dreamed that I received an LDS mission call along with my younger brother.  Nevermind that I am almost two decades too old to serve (and so is Kevin!), or that I have a family to take care of.  In my dream, I was single.  Maybe I was back in my 20’s.  I don’t know.

 

Anyway, I got a very detailed brochure about where I would be serving (Nebraska), who I would be paired with, what my responsibilities would be, why I was called to this specific place, and some background information about the people who lived in this area.

 

My brother’s brochure said, “Dallas, Texas.  Report to Provo MTC by 6 AM on [this date].”  That was all.

 

So, after re-reading my information, I discovered that there were some things missing.  (Duh.)  I knew where I was supposed to end up, and with whom, but I had no idea WHEN I was supposed to leave, or what I was supposed to take with me.  I spent the remainder of my dream trying to throw together two years’ worth of supplies while worrying about whether or not I would get to the right place at the right time.  Needless to say, Dream Me was completely unproductive.  I felt like a chicken, running around in circles with my head cut off.  When I woke up, my heart was racing and I was dizzy and disoriented.  It took me nearly an hour to settle down and go back to sleep.

 

I miss the dreams I had when I was pregnant with Sam.  At least THOSE ended with a baby.  🙂

 

Here’s to Luna, and to a delivery that comes SOONER, rather than LATER.  (Which, ironically, is my doctor’s name.)  😀

 

 

All (good?) things must come to an end, eventually. August 16, 2009

Filed under: Church,Enrichment,Kemi,Mormon, LDS,Relief Society — Kemi @ 9:26 pm

     I was released from my calling in the Relief Society Presidency this morning.

 

     After nearly four years of (barely-attended) Enrichment activities, welfare meetings, Sunday lessons, planning sessions and a whole (WHOLE!) lot of murmuring– Bad Kemi, I know–, I am done.

 

     Yesterday, before I knew it was coming, I thought I’d be elated.  It turns out I loved it more than I realized, because today I can’t seem to stop crying.  I choked up when I got off the phone with the Executive Secretary this morning.  I sniffled through our RS lesson on (how fitting!) the organization and history of the Relief Society.  I cried when we gathered up the tablecloths and decorations for the last time.  I sobbed when my name was read over the pulpit, and the tears just kept coming during Sacrament Meeting, at least until Anthony wet his pants on the padded bench and I had to take him out to the van for a complete change of clothes.  (It wouldn’t be Sunday without my family providing comic relief for the ward.  Also, do you know how hard it is to quietly blot urine out of upholstery when you’re sitting on the FRONT ROW and your kids keep asking, Did Anthony have an accident?  Eeeew!  No one sit there!  Anthony peed his pants!)  The new presidency is going to be wonderful, but a little (big) part of me wishes I could start the whole calling over again.  (I KNOW!  I am clearly MENTAL.)

 

     In the five years and three months we’ve lived in this ward, I’ve gone a total of two weeks without a calling.  I feel like running a side bet to see 1) Which new calling I’ll get, and 2) How long it will be before it’s issued.  (Feel free to leave your guesses in the comment section, but please understand that if you guess Gospel Doctrine teacher, we will no longer be friends.)   😀

 

I Want… To Live in the Draper Temple February 8, 2009

Filed under: family,homemaking,kids,Mormon, LDS — Kemi @ 11:00 pm

     Last Friday night (January 31), we had the honor of touring the newly-finished Draper LDS Temple. 

 

draper_lds_mormon_temple1-thumb

 (Photograph by David C. Moore)

 

     We left Anthony with my parents, because, frankly, he’s three and reverence isn’t a strength of his, (more…)

 

Good Clean Fun January 12, 2009

Filed under: Mormon, LDS — Kemi @ 9:29 am

This is how Mormons do it.   Well.   😀

 

 

Nieces and Toddlers and Peaches! Oh my! September 13, 2008

     I didn’t realize it had been so long since my last post.  This week has been crazy, so I will do a super-speedy recap and catch everyone up.  (Because I know you’re all dying to hear about my days at home.)

 

Monday– I tended Abbie.  Those days start at 4:30 AM, which means I am tired and ready for a nap at 10:00 AM.  Did domestic things like sorting laundry (sorting, not washing.  I missed that step!), cooking dinner, changing diapers.  BORING.

I also made cookies.  (I haven’t made homemade cookies (more…)

 

Getting to know you, getting to know all about you… September 2, 2008

Filed under: family,games,kids,Mormon, LDS — Kemi @ 10:14 pm
Tags: , , , ,

     We just finished up with one of the most fun Family Home Evenings we’ve had in a long, looooong time.  ( I know the traditional FHE night is Monday, but Kenny has Tuesdays off every week, so we have ours on a different night.  *shrug*  It works for us.)

 

     Kendra was in charge of the lesson, and she decided to talk about family, and how important it is to be close and loving with each other.  (The lesson was brief– we’re talking one minute, tops.)  Then she introduced a game I helped her create, and we played it.  And laughed.  And giggled.  And laughed some more. (more…)

 

May’s Enrichment Night May 7, 2008

     Last night was our ward’s monthly Enrichment night.  This is my thing, my responsibility, my church calling, and I have a love-hate relationship with it.  It is a LOT of work getting everything set up, and it’s a never-ending process.  When one activity is over, there’s never any down time; I’ve already got to be thinking about the next month’s activity.  I have a committee to help me, but we’re still coming together and figuring things out, and while I’m trying so hard to delegate the responsibility, when committee members don’t follow through, I’m the one that has to pick up the pieces.  It is TOTALLY worth the stress, though, when people have a good time, there’s a lot of socialization, and we have a feeling of unity and love. 

 

     Some months are good, and others are disastrous.  While most wards can boast about their high attendance of fifty-plus, I feel lucky if ten women show up.  If I’m being completely honest, our lack of ward participation makes me wonder why I go to all the effort.  (I know, I know…  it’s my job.  It just feels futile, some months.)   Last night there were twelve women in total, and we had a blast.  It was definitely a “good” month for the 5th Ward Relief Society, even with such (comparatively) low attendance.

 

     The plan was to discuss Elder M. Russell Ballard’s General Conference talk on honoring mothers, share our feelings about his (wonderful! encouraging!) words, and offer suggestions about how to squeeze some me-time into a busy schedule, as well as fun ideas for pampering on a budget.  We also offered an easy (but not-so-quick, it turns out…) and inexpensive Mother’s Day gift for anyone who wanted to put it together.  They were these cute little soap bottles that had this message inside them:

(more…)