Kemi, like “chemistry”

Random Musings of the Misunderstood

Impending Bloom May 1, 2013

Filed under: Kemi,motherhood,The Looney Bin — Kemi @ 1:31 pm
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Baby Luna is scheduled for delivery on Friday.  (Unless the storm that brought this morning’s snow also brings us a baby before then.)  While I am elated at being released from what my friend Melissa calls “House Arrest”, and I can’t wait to snuggle my new baby, I would be lying if I didn’t admit to being a little anxious about what will change.

 

This is the last time our family will number 7.

This is the last time I will ever be pregnant.

Last time to feel a baby kick and move inside me.

Last time to bond with Kenny over a new life that we created.

Last time to be pampered at the Women’s Center.

Last two nights of decent sleep, at least for the next few months.  🙂

Last time wearing maternity clothes.  (I can’t say I’m too sad about this one.)

Last c-section and recovery.  (I can definitely say I’m not heartbroken about this one.)

 

There are a lot of other things I’ll miss about my life the way it is right now.  I’m sure that several of those will include doing things with two hands, showering regularly, and not having to take a double stroller everywhere.  However, when I think about all I get to look forward to (a new baby, nighttime feeding sessions that are exclusively ours, a new baby, our completed eternal family, and have I mentioned a new baby?), those little things seem trivial in comparison.

 

As much as I love being pregnant (and really, I do!), there is nothing like holding– or, in my case, seeing over the surgery curtain– your brand new baby, knowing that it came from a divine place, and realizing that it is yours.  Yours to love, to nurture, to bless, and to teach.

 

So, while there are a lot of “lasts” in my immediate future, there are equally as many beginnings in store.

 

Here’s to our new family… a family of 8.

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Luna-tic dream April 26, 2013

So, this has been a fairly uneventful pregnancy, until I got to about 31 weeks, when everything fell apart.  My blood pressure is consistently high, there is too much protein in my urine, I have gestational diabetes again (which I am convinced is a fluke, since I’ve passed every test except one, but whatever…), restricted activity, weekly doctor visits, and weekly antepartum testing.

 

On Sunday night, we went to the hospital because I had a headache so terrible, I was seeing spots.  The baby looked fine, so they sent me home after a few hours.  I met with my doctor on Tuesday, and my blood pressure– on medication– was 178/134.  He made me repeat a 24-hour urine capture (yes, it is every bit as gross as it sounds) and ordered a whole bunch of lab tests, and told us if they came back abnormal, he was going to do an emergency c-section at 35 (+3) weeks.  There was an extra sense of urgency because he was going out of town for the weekend, and everything had to fall into place by Wednesday evening.

 

Naturally, the lab lost my blood work, so what should have taken a few hours to process dragged into the next day.  My liver and kidney functions both looked okay, but my doctor still had me on alert, pending the results of the 24-hour urine sample.  Which disappeared– of course it did!– and was unable to be read for a full day.  It came back elevated, too.  While not in kidney-failure range, it was still 3x higher than normal.  The doctor on call was ready to book an O.R., but based on some insurance technicality that says only MY doctor can tie my tubes, they paged my doctor on his vacation and asked him if he felt okay about holding off on the delivery until he gets back.  (He did.)

 

[I won’t get into it in this post, but out of everything scary that’s happened in the past month, making the decision to tie my tubes was the most emotional, heart-wrenching,  guilt-inducing,am-I-making-the-right-choice experience I have had to deal with.  Even knowing my body should not carry another baby without causing significant risk to both of us, I still struggle with the idea that this is it.  Finito.  No more babies for me.  I have cried more about this decision than anything else over the past 9 months combined.]

 

So, Monday morning, my doctor will review the labs and make a decision about surgery.  Will it be Monday?  Will I see him again on Tuesday and he’ll make his choice then?  Will we try to hold off until May 13, the scheduled date, which will make the baby 38 (+2) weeks?  Or go until this Friday, when I will be 37 weeks exactly, and we won’t have to worry about “pre-term” anything?

 

I am exhausted.  Mentally.  Physically, too, but the up-in-the-air-ness about the whole thing has become my full-time focus.  (No wonder my blood pressure is so high!)  I wander around the house during the day, flitting from thing to thing.  I am restless and unfocused.  My attention span is worse than Sam’s.  It’s time.  Even if it’s not time, it’s time.  I’ve never looked so forward to surgery before, even though it will bring the end of one of the best six experiences of my life.

 

I give you all of this information, not because I think you’re particularly interested, but to better illustrate my frame of mind and how last night’s dream reflects my insanity.

 

I dreamed that I received an LDS mission call along with my younger brother.  Nevermind that I am almost two decades too old to serve (and so is Kevin!), or that I have a family to take care of.  In my dream, I was single.  Maybe I was back in my 20’s.  I don’t know.

 

Anyway, I got a very detailed brochure about where I would be serving (Nebraska), who I would be paired with, what my responsibilities would be, why I was called to this specific place, and some background information about the people who lived in this area.

 

My brother’s brochure said, “Dallas, Texas.  Report to Provo MTC by 6 AM on [this date].”  That was all.

 

So, after re-reading my information, I discovered that there were some things missing.  (Duh.)  I knew where I was supposed to end up, and with whom, but I had no idea WHEN I was supposed to leave, or what I was supposed to take with me.  I spent the remainder of my dream trying to throw together two years’ worth of supplies while worrying about whether or not I would get to the right place at the right time.  Needless to say, Dream Me was completely unproductive.  I felt like a chicken, running around in circles with my head cut off.  When I woke up, my heart was racing and I was dizzy and disoriented.  It took me nearly an hour to settle down and go back to sleep.

 

I miss the dreams I had when I was pregnant with Sam.  At least THOSE ended with a baby.  🙂

 

Here’s to Luna, and to a delivery that comes SOONER, rather than LATER.  (Which, ironically, is my doctor’s name.)  😀

 

 

Some Thoughts on a Monday April 9, 2012

Filed under: Kemi,The Looney Bin — Kemi @ 6:38 pm
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1.  I love my blog.  I miss my blog.  It gives me an equal sense of pride and embarrassment;  of determination and of guilt.  If only there were more hours in the day, and my baby slept for more of them.  Then I might be able to get my blog groove going again.  I refuse to believe it’s broken.

 

 

2.  Last week, my kids had spring break.  Last week, I had both strep throat and the flu.  None of us really had a vacation.  I wish we could have a re-do.

 

 

a.  My kids are awesome.  I spent Monday and Tuesday sleeping, with brief periods spent feeding Sam, and then immediately passing him off to one of the kids.  None of them complained about it.  Nor did they complain about being stuck at home for a week, even though we had grand plans, all of which had to be scrapped.

 

b.  Next year, we will be doing Easter baskets the weekend before spring break.  (This year, we are doing them a week after Easter.  Again, no complaints from the kids.  Did I tell you they’re awesome?  BECAUSE THEY ARE.)  That way, whatever they get, they can spend the week enjoying it, rather than opening a basket and heading right back to school.

 

c.  While this year has been better than the last, I find myself looking forward to the end of school.  What has happened to me?  I was the kid who cried on the last day of school, because she didn’t want it to end.  Now I’m the mom who dreads Mondays because the kids have to go back to school.

 

 

3.  We moved Sam out of our bedroom this weekend.  I had been planning it for a while, seeing as how he is almost 10 months (TEN MONTHS!) old, and still sleeping in the bassinet next to my bed.  (Lest you be inclined to judge, he is such a tiny little thing that he STILL FITS in the bassinet.  The problem is, he’s starting to roll over in his sleep, and it doesn’t give him a lot of room to move around comfortably.)  I thought the week of spring break would be a great time to introduce him to a new room and a new crib, because the kids had a week-long sleepover downstairs and his crying wouldn’t bother them.  Of course, then I NEARLY DIED of sickness (not really), so the crib didn’t get put up, and Sam isn’t such a fan of the playpen.    This week.  The crib will go up THIS WEEK if it kills me.  (It just might.)

 

 

4.  I miss Sam sleeping in the bassinet next to my bed.  I miss his cute baby noises, his cute baby snoring, and his cute baby gas, and I hate that I have to get out of bed and walk down the hallway to check on him.  Kenny’s noises are not so cute;  neither are his snoring nor his gas.

 

 

5.  I hate the time of year that’s still too cool to turn on the air conditioner, but too warm to sufficiently cool the house by opening the windows.  I go to bed hot, and wake up freezing.

 

 

6.  Kenny came home from work, took one look at my face, and gathered up all the kids and dogs and took them on a walk so I could have five minutes of peace.  Then, he took them for another lap.  I really, really love that man.

 

In case you were wondering… January 12, 2012

Filed under: body,Kemi — Kemi @ 9:32 pm
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…after you drop a stack of Pampered Chef stoneware pans on your big toe, it:

 

1.  HURTS enough to say the really bad swear word.

2.  Is possible to keep from saying that word by collapsing into a heap on the kitchen floor while yelling and pounding the floor with your fists.

3.  Makes the whole house come running.

4.  Causes your toenail to turn black in less than one minute.

5.  Makes you shake and twitch uncontrollably as your body tries to process the excruciating pain.

6.  Suddenly makes sense how people could pull their own hair out in agony.

7.  Takes 4 Advil exactly 42 minutes to bring the pain down to a manageable level.  (From an 11 to a 6.5 on the pain scale.)

8.  Means your sister and her almost-fiance, who works in the ER, love you enough to interrupt their date in order to assess the injury.  (Thank you, Kristi and Jason!  So sorry you went back to cold pizza!)

9.  Makes absolutely no difference to a hungry baby who wants to nurse.

10.  Earns you the night “off” , which is code for a sink full of dirty dinner dishes that will wait until morning for you to tackle them.  *sigh*

 

Take my word for it:  Do NOT try this at home.

 

Quick! Someone take away my red pen! December 7, 2011

Filed under: Kemi — Kemi @ 1:14 pm
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I have always had an editor’s eye that I can’t seem to turn off.  Maybe it’s the writer in me, or it’s something I picked up in my education classes, but I am constantly correcting things in my mind.  EVERYTHING I see gets edited.

 

(Non-judgmentally, of course.)   😉

 

It’s both a blessing and a curse.  Right now, I have three drafts waiting to be finished.  There are close to 100,000 words between them that I haven’t published yet, for fear that they are too wordy.  (You think?)  Do you really want to read a 50,000-word birth story?  Probably not, and so I will most likely delete it and start fresh.  Then, I’m sure I’ll find fault with the next version, and it will be another six months before anything gets published.

 

Verbosity and perfectionism, why doth thou afflict me so?  (And how might I be compensated for your ever-present torment?)

 

Forever in the Doghouse: A cautionary tale for husbands on how NOT to react when your wife finds her (seemingly) first gray hair. October 5, 2010

Filed under: Kemi,Kenny — Kemi @ 6:07 pm
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The title says it all, no?

 

I lived a great majority of my life as a natural (dark) blonde, but my hair has a lot of red undertones. I’ve only colored it a handful of times (partly because I’m a huge chicken, and partly because it’s so darn expensive to have it done professionally), but depending on how the sun hits it, my hair color could seemingly change from day to day. It still can, only it’s from drab to… drabb-er. Or slightly less drab. [This was made known to me by my children, when making my Mii. I selected yellow hair, which made them giggle and say, “Your hair is SO NOT blonde, Mom!” and I had to get up and look in the mirror, because since when was I a brunette? (The answer to that is “Since NEVER”, because I am not dark enough to be brunette, but certainly not blonde anymore, either.) At least I could hold my head up high and proudly declare that there was not a single gray hair on my head.]

 

(Stop laughing.)

 

(Seriously, stop laughing. I was really sincere, albeit mistaken, in my declarations.)

 

I dyed my hair a lovely shade of red just before Christmas, and it’s quietly faded back to its not-really-a-definable-color blonde (brown?). With the fade came… (I can barely say it)… A GRAY HAIR. And then another, and then another. Stupid Loreal Superior Preference 4R– you made me go gray! I went out to tell Kenny about my horrifying discovery, and he could barely contain his laughter. (The jerk.)

 

“Kenny,” I wailed. “Look at this! And this! And this! I found gray hairs!”

 

“And?” he responded.

 

“AND they’re GRAY!” I said. “I’m officially OLD!” (To the man who has been steadily graying over the past 15 years. In hindsight, I deserved no compassion.)

 

“And?” he responded again.

 

“AND,” I said, confused, “they are my first ones. This is a really big deal to me! Well, at least I made it to 35 before I started going gray.”

 

To which he responded (with way too much mirth and way too little sympathy), “Oh, Honey. *giggle* You’ve had gray hairs for YEARS.”

 

And then the realization dawned that when I’m using the flat iron in my bathroom, and the sun streams in through the tiny frosted window, and the hair on my head erupts into a reddish-golden halo with countless metallic strands of follicular loveliness, well, those metallic strands are GRAY, not gold, and there are a LOT of them.

 

And suddenly coming up with $75 for professional highlights feels less like a luxury and more like a necessity. As part of his punishment, I think I’ll make Kenny pay for them.

 

The universe smiles (or laughs) at me July 1, 2010

Filed under: Holidays,Kemi — Kemi @ 8:17 am
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I grabbed a new roll of paper towels out of the multi-pack* this morning and noticed that there were festive red and blue stars on it.  It made me smile.

 

It’s the little things like that, that make me such a dork!  😀

 

 

 

*I LOVE my paper towels, even though I know they’re not environmentally-friendly.  Don’t judge me.  (Or, do, but don’t tell me.)