Kemi, like “chemistry”

Random Musings of the Misunderstood

Tales from Motherland September 11, 2013

Filed under: motherhood,Natalie — Kemi @ 2:35 pm
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My friend Jeri (Hi, Jeri!) complimented my blog this morning, and linked to it on her Facebook account.  Gaaah!  It hasn’t been updated in three months!  Suddenly there’s so much pressure to write!  I’m not even going to shoot for funny (don’t you DARE stop reading!  Eyes back here, NOW!);  I just need words on the page.

 

There is so much to say, and I am too busy to say it.  That’s the irony of having a blog when you’re a mother:  there is always material, but you’re too _______________ to write about it.  (You’re welcome to fill in the blank with any of the following words (or choose one of your own!):  tired, irritated, overwhelmed, exhausted, angry, frazzled, tired, forgetful, hungry, distracted, lazy.

 

For example, I posted this on Facebook yesterday:

It never fails… when I don’t shower or get dressed in the morning, one of my kids will get sick at school and need to be picked up, and I’ll run into everyone I know.

It’s the mom walk of shame, and unfortunately, I walk it well.

 

What I did not share on Facebook, but that I don’t mind sharing with you, is that I swapped out my pajama bottoms for a pair of jeans, and tried to hid the fact that I was bra-less under a hoodie.  Double bonus points because it also covered up some mysterious stains on my pajama shirt.  (Mystery solved!  I have young kids!)  Yes, it was 80+ degrees outside, and I chose a hoodie and long pants because I didn’t want to put on my bra.  Oh, and because I haven’t done laundry in a week or four, and those were quite possibly the only clean clothes in my closet.

 

And then I ran into the mom of one of Hannah’s friends who was substituting at the school.  “Oh, Kemi!” she said, startled.  “Is that you?  I didn’t even recognize you.”  Bless her for saying that, although I suspect she was just being kind.  And then, when I told her how nice she looked, she said, “I rarely dress up, so when I have a reason to look pretty, I embrace it.”  I thought about hugging her, but I remembered the baby stains and the no bra thing and decided to smile, instead.  I was grateful that I had the foresight to chew a couple of mint Mentos on my way out the door, because I couldn’t remember if I had brushed my teeth or not.  My appearance is all smoke and mirrors, people.  (And spit up.  And deodorant.  And ponytails.  And hoodies.  God bless hoodies.)

 

See?  Material.  But then I spent the rest of my day managing the child who was too sick to stay at school, but not sick enough for computer games, fighting with his sister (who was truly, legitimately sick), chasing his little brother, and generally driving everyone in the house CRAZY because his mean mom wouldn’t give in and let him play the Wii all afternoon, and by the time all the kids were in bed, I was practically comatose.  (“Dinner” was peanut butter and jelly on leftover hot dog buns, for crying out loud.)

 

So much to write, but so little energy.

 

I could also talk about my sweet baby Natalie (Hi, Natalie!) who is now FOUR MONTHS OLD.

(Isn’t she cute?  We love her to pieces.  She is my chunky monkey.)

 

You might want to hear less about how much she poops (she has been alive for 131 days, and has had, AT MINIMUM, 110 blowouts that necessitated complete outfit changes… NOT EVEN KIDDING), but like I said above, it’s material.  I got her up this morning and changed her diaper, and the minute it was off, she released her bladder and peed all over the couch.  ALL OVER.  I was so shocked, all I could do was sit there and watch, her feet clasped in my left hand, as it dribbled out like a bubbling fountain and seeped into the microfiber cushions.  Clearly, I have become less of a “Morning Person”, and more of a “Never Quite Achieves Full Consciousness At Any Point in the Day Person”.  I’m afraid my reflexes are firing a little slow, lately.  And, because my daughter not only has incredible volume, but impeccable aim, she managed to get her pajamas wet.  Soaked, actually.  And they were tucked up behind her neck, so you do the math.  Geometry was never my strongest subject.

 

Then, not even an hour later, I left her on the *other* couch cushion  (you know, the one that wasn’t wet and didn’t smell like Amoxicillin pee…  thank you, ear infection!) while I dragged the middle kids out of bed and got them going.  Then one of the dogs threw up, so I let them outside, cleaned it up, and took an armful of clothes downstairs to put in the washer.  Two steps into the laundry room, my foot hit something soft and squishy and slippery.  I didn’t know whether to be relieved or even more disgusted when it turned out to be chunky dog vomit and not poop.  So washing the dog bed and blankets became Priority One for the day, until I went back upstairs and heard, “Mom?  Natalie’s stinky.  Bad-stinky.  BAD.”

 

Do I even need to spell it out?  Probably not, but I’m going to.  It was a veritable poo-splosion, bubbling over the top of her diaper and squeezing past the flimsy elastic leg guards.  It was everywhere, including the couch cushion.  The kids are so used to the Natalie-Blowout drill, they moved into position with military precision (and without a word from me).  Anthony grabbed a used towel to put under her, and then found a plastic grocery sack and held it open.  Hannah searched the clean laundry basket for a new outfit.  Sam grabbed the wipes and a clean diaper, and put them within my reach on the coffee table.  Five minutes and 40 wipes later, she was fresh and clean, but the couch needed some major attention.  All I could do was throw a towel on it and yell, “DON’T SIT THERE!  DON’T SIT DOWN!  KEEP OFF OF THE TOWEL!” any time anyone got within two feet of the couch.  Once the kids left for school, the cleaning frenzy began.

 

Let me just say, vinyl upholstery covers and those glittery plastic runners my grandma used on her carpet have never held so much appeal.

 

So THIS is why I am an infrequent updater.  So much to say, but so little time.  So little energy.  So much laundry.

SO. MUCH. LAUNDRY.

 

Auf wiedersehen, for now.  Until we meet again…  like maybe when Natalie is out of diapers.  (Ha!)

 

The Co-STAN-za fallout March 4, 2010

Filed under: Kenny,The Looney Bin,TV shows,Uncategorized — Kemi @ 3:30 pm
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     I posted the picture of Jason Alexander on my Facebook page, to show how similar it was to Anthony’s pose from yesterday.  There was some unintended fallout that made for one of  the funniest threads I’ve ever been a part of, and I HAD to record it.  You know for blackmail posterity…

 

First, here is my husband:

 

While I admit he does  bear more than a slight resemblance to George Costanza, I still didn’t expect THIS:

 

(more…)

 

Stay tuned for today’s post… coming tomorrow! February 19, 2009

Filed under: motherhood — Kemi @ 3:39 pm
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     Because I happily spent my afternoon catching up with a good friend on Facebook (*waving to Sharane*), the post I had bouncing around my head will have to bounce around a little bit longer.  The kids are on their way home from school, there will be homework, and we are moving our FHE visit to the aquarium to tonight, thanks to my little fainting spell on Tuesday, so I won’t have time to hammer out my post tonight.

 

     Oh, and we got our state Income Tax return back today, so we’re going out to dinner after the aquarium.  (It has been AGES since we’ve gone to a real restaurant that doesn’t have a kids-eat-free-on-Tuesdays promotion.  Acutally, it’s been a while since we’ve been to one of those, too.  My point is, we’re eating OUT.  I can’t wait!)   😀

 

     This post actually does tie in a little bit to what I’ve been mulling over for the past few weeks, and it all has to do with simplicity.  Motherhood and simplicity.  (Is that sort of like an oxymoron?)

 

     What are your thoughts about those two words?  I’m interested.  Motherhood.  Simplicity.

 

     I can’t wait to read your responses.  (Please, let there be responses.)

 

     See you tomorrow.  I’m off to pet some Manta Rays.

 

     (And eat in a REAL restaurant.  Did I mention that part?)

 

Life in FFW September 30, 2008

     Let me just go on record by saying I hate doing catch-up posts, and this will be the second in less than a month.  What I need to do is spend five (okay, twenty) minutes blogging each day, rather than waiting for the “perfect” time to do it, because let’s face it:  there is never a “perfect” time, and even if there is, I’d rather spend it napping.

 

     Oh, and blogging for even 20 minutes each day?  Yeah, make it an hour…  I’m hard-wired to edit, edit, EDIT.

 

     So, moving on…  (more…)

 

Breaking Dawn August 9, 2008

     I finished the book today…

 

     …the fourth and final book in the Twilight  vampire saga, all 754 pages of it.

 

     I had several reactions while reading the book, (more…)

 

PackRat May 25, 2008

Filed under: games,Kemi — Kemi @ 12:42 am
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     I found a new game on Facebook.  My friends have raved about it for months now, and I resisted the pull.  Don’t ask me why I suddenly felt the need to check it out, but last Sunday I did, and apparently I either have one of those addiction genes (good thing I don’t smoke or drink!), or PackRat is OF. THE. DEVIL.  I vote for the latter.

 

 

*sigh*

 

 

However, I DON’T need PackRat detox, thank you very much. I am perfectly in control.

 

 

Just because I completed 35 levels in one week doesn’t mean there’s a problem.

 

 

Just because my nine-year-old, who has never actually played the game, but merely observed, can tell you exactly how to play, how the bidding strategy works, and which cards are rare, doesn’t mean I have lost control.  (I’m talking detailed explanations, people.  It’s sad, really.)

 

 

Just because when I loaded the dishwasher tonight and still had half a sink full of dirty dishes that wouldn’t fit in this cycle, it doesn’t mean I am obsessed. Had I actually loaded the dishwasher once in the past three days, I coud have avoided that problem, but I had sets to vault things to do.

 

 

Just because I’ve had the worst carpal tunnel flare-up EVER doesn’t mean it’s related to me playing on the computer for hours and hours at a time.

 

 

And most importantly, just because I’m dreaming of gathering like items while I sleep, it doesn’t mean I have played too long during the day.

 

 

*sigh*   I am PATHETIC.  blink.gif   And I’m going right back to my game.  Maybe I can vault a couple of sets before I head to bed.